What would life be like without having to deal with this? August 26, 2007
Posted by kat in : bipolar disorder, addiction, mental health, Adhd, Depression, General , trackbackI wish I could go back in time. I wish I didnt have to be a bipolar addict. I guess I had no choice. I hate when people say stuff like “well, you chose to be like that”. How the heck do they know? If I could have a life where I didnt have crazy mood swings, terrible bouts of depression, feeling like my only choice was to take anything I could to get rid of the pain I would in a heartbeat. I have tried everything available to get help, get better, or at least get some relief from this stuff. I just had my 17th ECT treatment. ECT has pretty much saved my butt from suicide or death. It works better than any of the meds. I dont know what to do now. I feel better, but not like I am just able to go out there and live a regular life. I still have alot of mood related problems. Alot of anxiety, racing thoughts, problems with my addictions and addictive personality etc. I just wish I could be able to even make a decision. I cant decide about anything. I have a wonderful boyfriend who is so supportive, and he treats me like a princess. I feel like I dont deserve him. I am on Social Security, I have nothing to my name. I have a 12 year old son that lives with his Dad, and doesnt understand what is wrong with his mother. I just wish I could know life without having these issues. Where would I be now? Any body out there feel this way? Just needed to get that off my chest. Im 42 years old, and I just feel like I have had a wasted, screwed up life. I dont want much, just to be able to feel stability, and to not screw up everything.
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